


fewer ghosts than feelings

by waitwhoasaywhat



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-27
Updated: 2012-03-27
Packaged: 2017-11-02 14:59:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/370262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waitwhoasaywhat/pseuds/waitwhoasaywhat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is John Egbert, and you are not actually that stupid! The thing is, you're not sure you've ever liked anyone before, and you don't know how it's supposed to go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fewer ghosts than feelings

Your name is John Egbert, and you are not actually that stupid! 

At least, you are not as stupid as your friends seem to think. You feel confident about this because you're pretty sure anyone that dumb probably wouldn't make it far in Sburb, or even be sentient in the first place. Sure, you're not great at big words and sarcasm and irony, and okay maybe pranks aren't a subtle form of humor or whatever, but they could talk to you like you're at least able to tie your shoes! It's okay, though. You get frustrated sometimes, but you don't really mind that much. Your friends have something to prove about how smart they are, you think, and maybe if you grew up with wizard statues and smuppets you'd have some problems, too. It can hurt a little to get condescended all the time, but if your friends need someone to be smart at, you don't mind helping them out. You think of yourself less as a derp and more as a cool, relaxed guy who is there for his friends, even when they need to be jerks! This might be why you and Karkat are such great co-friendleaders, because you have this in common even if he's cranky and yelly and hilarious about it. Oh, wow. You do not want to think about Karkat right now.

Okay, sometimes you are actually pretty dumb. Sometimes you're too busy talking to remember to listen to what you're saying, and pranks can be kind of mean if you're not paying attention. And okay! Jeez! Sometimes you say things like "i could not give less of a rat's ass about romancey stuff" and "i barely even remember what we talked about" and "i am not a homosexual" as if you were sure about any of those things, when really you are freaking out over all of them. You are freaking out pretty bad. The way Karkat talks, the guy thinks he has a monopoly on terrible past selves, but you could tell him a thing or two! If he were here and not on a meteor with Dave and Rose and the other trolls. Boy, those friendship stairs will get a workout next time you see him! Ha ha! Oh god. Oh man.

You aren't sure what you're going to do when you see Vriska. She might be even worse than you at knowing whether she means what she says by the time the words leave her mouth. She is pretty bad about treating you like an idiot, but she also tells you that you're the best, so you figure that's all right. You two are going to have a lot of fun! But you are not going to talk about feelings, or go anywhere near the friendship stairs, just in case.

It'd be great if she were around right now, because you are not feeling like the best at all. You are feeling kind of awful! Everyone else seems to have their shit figured out. Jade and Dave(sprite?) have some sort of thing going on that you are pretty sure either has or will shortly involve feelings, feelings expressed to each other through words. It would be cool if you could figure out how to do that, and if the idea didn't terrify you into blurting weird stuff while Jade says "mm hm" and "….." and waits for you to stop. Jade is pretty great because she listens and doesn't try to psychoanalyze you when you change the subject. If you were going to talk to anyone, it would be her. She would probably call you a fuckass, but you deserve that a little. 

The thing is, you're not sure you've ever liked anyone before, and you don't know how it's supposed to go. You are having a lot of feelings right now! No one else seems to have this many feelings! There probably aren't any left for anyone else, because you are having all of them. Everyone else seems to know what gender they like, if not what person they like, but you have an awful lot of trouble lately distinguishing between totally natural tender broboss relations and, um, wow. You will say almost anything to babble up a comfortable distance from that topic. You're on way firmer ground when you think about a date with Vriska, that would be fun! Whatever you do on dates will be fun, unless it involves physical contact or talking about any of these feelings you've been selfishly stockpiling, in which case what you do on dates is nervously vomit and what Vriska does is laugh. You've even turned to fine cinema for clarification. But when it comes to reuniting with loving family members, the only person you really want to see again is your dad. 

You aren't as stupid as everyone thinks you are, but you're not as smart as you'd like to be. You are really, really glad you and Jade have a lot of ghosts to bust. Not two years' worth of ghosts, and you definitely have fewer ghosts than feelings, but those sound like problems for future you. He's a clever guy. He can handle it.

**Author's Note:**

> set in A6I2. somewhere about here, obviously: http://mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=006636
> 
> i tend to like fics that feature oblivious & closeted john, so i figured i'd challenge myself a little. i don't have his voice down very well, but it's fun to try!


End file.
